Post 2 - What Do We Do?? What the Hell Do We Do Now?!?

Do you remember that time I said we'd be doing a blog with advice and other lovely things? Yeah...lets get back to that, shall we?

This rather heady question came in just recently from Jen in Chicago:

Hey Cecil,

Love the straws and use them whenever I can! A couple things. With the whole election thing going on, my boyfriend and I are on completely opposite ends of the political spectrum and we end up fighting about it constantly. How can we get passed this?

And just because I don't want to make everything political, I also still can't fart in front of him without getting embarrassed. Help?

Yours Truly,


Okay Jen...I'm going to answer these in reverse order because we all know which is more important.


Wait wait hold on I'm not done. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Thanks I really needed that. Easy response on this one - he's a guy. Half of their lives revolve around fart jokes, Dutch ovens and other natural gas related activities. They love it. It's in their DNA. Therefore, he should be able to handle you taking up that mantle every once in a while too. I'm not saying you won't get made fun of (because you will) but if you do and he's just joking around, I'd say you're in a pretty good position. Just try it! It's sooo easy!

Women aren't robots (although I haven't 100% confirmed this with my research team as of yet) and your relationship shouldn't be predicated on your god-like ability to maintain proper fart etiquette in every possible situation. If he can't get over that, it might be time to dump that turd (wacka wacka).

Disclaimer: You also can't go around leaking fumes like a malfunctioning fracking well. Guys don't like it, girls don't like it, and you're putting our fragile environment at risk. Not cool, Jen. Not cool.

Part two - yeah this has definitely been rough on just about everyone involved and there are plenty of couples in your shoes. Realistically, your significant other should be the one person you can always rely on to hear you out regardless of whether they agree with you or not. Politics gets tricky but I'm sure you didn't get together with him because of his sound and salient political discourse skills.

So here's the solution; the next time one of these conversations comes up - just fart while he's talking.

You see what I did there?? That's called "putting a bow on it", boys and girls.

But seriously, if there's one thing that brings people together, especially now, it's having a sense of humor. Yes, there are major concerns on both sides. Yes, Americans are more divided now than they have been in decades but a lot of that falls away when we make each other laugh. People are much more inclined to give ground, concede a point or just listen intently to an opposing view if they know the person they're squaring off against wants to laugh just as much as they do.

Shameless plug - wine straws are superb ways of starting hilarious conversations. For example:

"Good day to you sir/madam! By chance did you take notice of the most recent appointment to the distinguished/dastardly Commander-In-Chief's cabinet? Quite the uproarious turn of events, wouldn't you say?!"

(Immediately plop a straw into a $5 bottle of wine and start sucking while staring curiously at the other person until they respond or laugh uncontrollably. Monocles are preferred but optional.)

In short, Jen, everyone just needs to lighten up a tad. Whether you're discussing geopolitics or wondering if the gaseous results of that spicy tuna and seaweed roll you ate for lunch are going to cause your boyfriend to call Homeland Security for a possible biological weapon threat, everyone should be able to laugh at both and everything else in between.